Good evening one person who is probably reading my blogs today! I have recently been trying new things. Health supplements, new foods, cultures etc, but over the course of the last couple of months I have been playing guitar a lot more. I’ve definitely gotten better, stage fright is a horrible thing but I’ll get there (But when I hear you ask?) Well, you make a good point. Stage fright is something a lot of people have had and gotten over in time, I imagine a lot of musicians have had it. You’re Ed Sheerans and all them talented artists. It’s not easy standing in front of a crowd with an instrument in your hand, especially singing to go with it. I wonder what it feels like to be those people up on stage, is it that scary? The thought of having potatoes and cabbage chucked on stage is a worrying thought indeed. Although never really having any self confidence, it still eludes me now, probably worse due to the anxiety. It’s annoying because I’ve always wanted to play guitar and maybe sign up for something like X-factor one day, but that dream was about 13 years ago now and pretty popped that bubble in the process. So maybe I’ll stick to something small, a small crowd at an open mic night for Deaf people perhaps? Joking aside. I would like to play open mic nights more, but seeing so many brilliant artists go up before me makes me feel very uneasy. They’re so brilliant and I’m a car crash waiting to happen, I wouldn’t want to ruin the vibes. I think that’s one of the worries, or maybe forgetting words, notes, strings, all running through my mind. Again, I imagine that musicians have been through all that and made them stronger. Another one of my problems is hand to eye coordination, it’s terrible, to put it one way. I have a form of Dyspraxia which is a learning disability, a lot of people have it but it affects people in different ways. Now when I first started learning the acoustic guitar, I did find it difficult at first, learning to pluck strings, knowing patterns, strumming and learning how to tune it etc. Over time I managed to do OK, I’m at a stage now where I could learn to play more songs, but then again I only like stuff I listen too, which on acoustic isn’t that difficult. So I think in my mind, the guitar playing isn’t the worst or most scariest part of doing it live in front of people. It’s the reactions, I’ve never really had a motivator in my life telling me I’m doing well or there just to support me. It’s difficult, and definitely affects me mentally. A few months ago I decided to pluck up the courage and play at an open mic night at The Brook Inn, Plympton, my local. They host brilliant local music events and open mic nights from genuine local Plymouthians. A lot of talented people play, people who have played for years, but some younger who have the natural talent (How do I get that?). The night I decided to go up and play for the first time, I just started to panic for a few reasons. I didn’t realize how packed it would be, a lot of musicians had signed up to play the open mic. That scared me, then I just started worrying to the point of an anxiety attack, not good. As the night rolled on I never got on stage and left around 11 due to the embarrassment of turning up with a guitar and not being able to play because I scared myself. It’s a learning curve, it will get better. I have kept on practicing since, I’m still not ready but in small steps, I will get there. Anxiety does effect even the most confident people, it affected me that night.
Thanks for reading!