It has been a very up and down year, even by my standards. I can’t really think of many things that have made me too happy, it’s definitely been another tough year again. Although there have been patches where I think that things might be looking up. I suppose that’s all I have to go on right now and will have to use that to take into the New Year and hope that things improve. A lot has gone on recently, which is un-needed stress considering I went on holiday to get away from it, it appears I’ve walked into an even worse situation unfortunately. I tend to sit up at night and take everything in that has happened in the last month and I realize that I need to change things. What kind of changes though? Good question, I have no idea. When it comes to trusting someone, I find it beyond difficult, but there are some who I can trust to an extent, I like to keep myself to myself now. In the time I was away I had a good long think about what I plan to do in the year ahead and the only thing that came into my mind was to go explore the globe more. I keep seeing little hints from things that are pushing me towards making a decision to go away soon, like discounts on holidays, free travel, offers from people and it makes me wonder, is that what I’m supposed to do now? Just go explore a little? I would love too if I’m honest but it costs money, money I have but not enough to consistently travel as much as some people do, although I do envy them.
Now things at home are slowly starting to gather pace again after some recent issues, I can finally sleep again. Sleep is the most important part of the day, without it I would be useless, even after a few coffee’s. I met some amazing people in Germany whilst on my travels, and that’s really one of the main things that inspires me to go outside on my own more. Those 5-10 minute conversations you have with strangers are some of the best conversations I’ve had with anyone, I hope those people are doing well! May our paths cross again someday. Of course there will be more people to meet but I want to make that consistent, whether it’s speaking in my own language or not, I would love to meet more people, experience different things, listen to stories from others. Last year I don’t think I would have it in me to go shopping in the local Aldi on my own, let alone half way across Europe. For that, I am proud of myself to have come out of the black hole. I am slowly starting to do things I wouldn’t of been capable of last year, even parts of this year, it’s a slow progress but it’s gathering pace every week now. Although sometimes people make me feel like I should probably stay under my rock, although I try and not do that. I don’t believe in the quote “Good things come to those who wait” I think it’s horseshit. You make your own luck, your own life, your own friends etc. Although making a life isn’t easy, and you will fall on your face a few times.
“You have to crack a few eggs to make an omelette”.
At least you can say you tried to do something to change yourself or your life, I have tried it and broke many eggs along the way but it’s better than being sat there not really doing anything about it. You tend to sit there with all these thoughts and think “Oh, what could have been.” Exactly, COULD. Just like you COULD go out and change your life. Don’t dwell on the past, we have all made mistakes, no one is perfect but everyone is capable of making change. Go start today, I know I will be.