A pretty unorthodox post at this time but sometimes the battle to sleep becomes powerful without realizing. As well as monitoring my own personal state, I do like to study other people, not because I’m on a course or anything but just out of my own personal interest. I look to other people to inspire myself and take on tips to improve my own self, people are interesting, in strange but wonderful ways. As a mental health sufferer I always look to help myself but also learn from other sufferers and non sufferers as well, but how can you tell the difference? Well there are some ways where you can see through people, in their body language and tone of voice. You can’t tell someone has depression by just looking at them, you might notice things about the person but it would be offensive to say “You don’t look depressed so you’re just acting up”. Possibly the worst thing you could say to a mental health sufferer, perhaps there’s someone I know who does the exact same things as I do.
You can’t see what goes on in a persons mind, behind every smile is someone that could be clinically depressed or happy as larry. It’s impossible to tell, and I don’t like to intrude so I don’t like to ask, then again, I wouldn’t like it if someone did it to me either, I’m a half open book most of the time. Can be ridiculously stubborn when I want to be, “I’m fine” but inside my mind is rotting away every last happy thought I have. I try not to let it bother me but you can’t change the thoughts you have. The only thing I can do is try, because if you don’t try, what’s the point? Sometimes my mind controls my actions, it’s part of the parcel of mental health for those who also know it or have had it in the past. Although I am trying to think positive if and where I can, I should be thankful for what and who I do have in my life. Of course we all wish that one thing changed, but you can’t change the past but you can change your future, whether you think you have one or not. Most of the time I don’t believe I have a future, whether it’s me or mental health talking, it’s difficult as I say, sometimes my mind controls my actions. I haven’t really been having the support I deserve in the recovery process I find myself in, but I do realize that there are people who are far worse off than I am, a planet of billions of people. Perhaps I feel a bit ignorant in that sense, I obviously do know that there are people who suffer much worse than I am, I’m just another person with a story to tell. I want to keep telling it though and I’m remaining positive that I want to be part of life whether depression knocks me down or not.
There will be more pages to cover in writing in the near future, I feel Word Press is helping me achieve that as it’s a place I feel safe enough to open up a little. Sorry if it’s boring you, I do apologize.