FAILURE.

I’ve come to a stopping point in my life, I set out to become a success and I’ve become something I fear, a failure. I see so many people that I know enjoying their lives, married, the kids, the house and the cars. I’d love to settle down one day because I want to be happy for once, whether I have half of that or not, I’ll be happy. Looking back on my whole life and I don’t have anything I can shout about, nothing to impress anyone. I can only blame myself for things I’ve had and lost, although I’ve had a lot to deal with when I was younger, the loss of my Dad, my Nan and Uncle. I’m ashamed of my name, what I’ve done in life, I shouldn’t get gratitude for anything that I’ve done. I can pretty much blame myself for positions I’ve been in, having to make new friends, having to stick with a job, all of which collapsed on me. Although I can definitely admit I’ve been too nice to people who haven’t extended the same courtesy as myself, I’m disappointed in a lot of people I’ve met over the past but the real culprit is myself. I’ve been in a long battle with Depression and it has impacted my life in ways I didn’t think it could, it effected my attitude towards life, my attitude towards people including my Family, especially my Mother and her partner, unfortunately Depression and the mood swings cannot be helped or altered. Sometimes they happen because I feel shit and I can’t stop it, and also because Mental Health has changed me, deep in my mind. I want to apologize to anyone I’ve ever hurt, whether it’s something I’ve done or said. The first step to becoming a better person is to admit the faults that I’ve made, I hope in the long run it’ll help. Unfortunately I think it’s too late for apologies because the bridges have already been broken beyond repair, including my Family in which I completely understand if they hate me because I’ve not been a good person. Admittedly I have been hurt by a lot of people as well, which has effected my life in a lot of ways but to also become stronger.

A lot of people can’t admit the truth and it cripples their mind because they know they’ve not been good to people and I feel the same way. All I’ve ever wanted is a group of friends who trust me, like me for who I am, and I expect the same from them. I’ve also wanted a strong family who loves one another, always in contact and never have to hurt them. I have made some awful mistakes over the last 6 years and I am deeply sorry for those mistakes, I understand that it might be too late for that now. My current battle is my toughest yet, it’s provoking me from enjoying life, but then, I don’t really have one. The battle I’m facing is too difficult for me to keep fighting back, to become stronger mentally. It’s done that much damage that I don’t even feel human anymore, I feel I’ve lost myself, I’m sitting in someones body and they’re having a successful life and I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore, who am I? A false identity in a world I don’t understand anymore.

The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that I hope I have a family that want me around, and that love me. That is the only thing that keeps me going, from taking my own life. I don’t ask for much, with all the stuff going on in the world at the moment, I just want to feel part of something, part of life, a part of society in which I’m needed, a family in which I’m important in.

Welcome to my mind, a dark place with very little light in the tunnel, no where to run and hide. Running out of options to keep surviving.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TIME FOR A BREAK…

 

kitkat

 

Hello humans. It’s been a pretty bad week for me personally, and it’s not even the end of the week yet. It’s almost been a year since I left the UK for the wonderful country of Germany, time has gone pretty fast, an adventure I need again. Life tends to throw hurdles at you quite a lot, you learn to jump over them but when stressed, the motivation to keep jumping sometimes gets too much for me. Over the course of the last 5 years I’ve had to deal with a lot, and I always dread what will come next, unfortunately it is my life and as much as you don’t like it, it’s part of being an adult – you have to deal with it.

What is deserving of a break? I guess we all think different when it comes to deserving something. Based on my last 5 years I don’t deserve anything, but what I could do with is a little break from life. I’m no longer happy and it’s eating my insides, I don’t know where I stand with family, friends and other things. It’s all a bit of an emotional roller-coaster at the moment and it’s getting to the point where I feel a break would be well needed, some time to think. We all look to improve on our life aspects, our personal aspects, at most I try to do that. Things need to change and they need to change quick, I know I’m the only person that can do that, to change my own life I need to implement change myself. I’m quite appreciative of what I have, and sometimes very glad that I made the right decision in life, albeit some bad decisions as well.

I put my self down a lot, possibly when I shouldn’t. I try not to get myself down because of one certain event or person, I fight through it and move on. I’m pretty much a closed book as far as things go and I like it that way, I don’t like opening up too much. Admittedly I do bottle things up and never release any anger or sadness, but as fellow mental health sufferers, it’s not always easy to speak to someone. Unfortunately I lack the motivation to open up to someone because I don’t want to annoy them, or annoy them more, people have their own problems to deal with. I am disliked by people, who isn’t? I have made wrong decisions, like many others and I fully understand where people are coming from. I haven’t seen many people recently, I can’t remember when I last saw my family. I do feel I have let myself go, physically and mentally, and I feel that I don’t want to disappoint anyone with how I’ve changed. Granted I let my self slip away and I can only blame myself, partially.  I don’t mean to disappoint people, sometimes it’s just natural though.

Where do I want to go with my adventure? Who knows. I’d like to go back to Germany, possibly some new cities to visit such as Dresden, Leipzig, Munich, Duisburg, Dortmund. Just a few of the many places I want to visit, but my heart has always been with Germany, regardless of political state. I don’t mind sitting on a coach for hours on end, it’s fun, and cheap. Plus you get to meet funny individuals, a lot of memories to be had. The motivation to do it is pretty easy as far as I’m concerned, but I feel I could get too comfortable like I did last time. I planned to stay 3 or 4 nights in Germany last time, ended up being 8 days. I do like the feeling of being lost in a place I don’t know much about it, it’s all part of the fun. I still managed to get around and back home fairly easily, but I still get the holiday blues when arriving back into the UK – who has it’s own problems currently, politically speaking.

When I get round to making a plan, I’m sure you’ll know about it but I can’t say how long I’ll be. I do need to get away for a while, just to feel a bit lost and different. Anyway, enjoy reading 700 odd words of me rambling on. Hope you’re all good!

Take Care

 

Alex

 

 

 

 

HELLO SUMMER!

Good afternoon, humans. How we all doing? It’s finally summer time, and judging by the weather forecast it will be a pretty hot summer especially in Plymouth. So many plans need to be made, quite fancy a travel around Europe again seeming it’ll be fairly cheap.

Waiting patiently for the new football season to start, no news as to what kit Plymouth Argyle will be releasing yet. We have had some signings though in the form of Former Coventry play-maker Ruben Lamerias and Player of The Season for Morecambe last season, Ryan Edwards, a defender. There has also been some news in the new reformed League Cup, now named Carabao Cup, a energy drink supplier. News came out yesterday that Argyle will travel to local West Country rivals Bristol City, in which I and the Green Army are very looking forward to! Something about a cup away game before the season starts really kicks the season off. Argyle have not played Bristol City since the Championship days, a long time ago. Very looking forward to visiting Ashton Gate again, this time in a new refurbished look.

Looking to plan a few trips to Europe in the mean time, with weather-forecasts looking pretty good I really do want to get away and bask in the heat in a European country. If anyone has any tips for me, places to visit. please let me know! Looking to cover a bit more of Germany and Belgium as there are a few places I want to tick off. Come back in preparation for the new season ahead which I’m very excited for.

More blogs to come soon..

Thanks for reading, folks!

Alex

summer

T

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

League

EFL League 1 2017/18

Hello everyone! Today I will be talking and expressing my views on the new season ahead. My football team Plymouth Argyle were promoted to League 1 this season just gone, in which I and many other Greens are excited in the prospects of playing in L1 next season. In this article I will talk about current transfer rumors, current odds for promotion and a quick idea of what our team will look like come August 5th.

 

So, first things first, transfer rumors. In the last couple of weeks I have seen many reports linking Argyle star man, Graham Carey with moves to clubs such as Wigan Athletic, Peterborough Utd, Bradford City, Portsmouth FC, Northampton Town. The only ones I can actually see being viable are Wigan and Bradford. Wigan were recently relegated from The Championship last season, after a poor campaign and various manager sackings. Wigan’s board will definitely want to back a promotion campaign after winning League 1 only the season before last, unfortunately for them, staying in The Championship didn’t last long. SkyBet and other bookies are backing Wigan among others  to get promotion to the division above once again, another two team who are favorites to get promotion are fellow League 2 promotion teams Doncaster Rovers and Portsmouth FC. After a few months on top, Doncaster fell off top spot and left it for any one of Pompey and Argyle to claim the prestigious League 2 title. After a gripping last day of the season, Portsmouth claimed the title leaving Argyle in 2nd and Doncaster in third. Argyle themselves are not backed to get Promotion to L1. Here are some odds below of how the bookies think League 1 will end this coming season:

 

2017-06-01 (1)

As you can see, there are quite a lot of teams fancied for promotion over Plymouth Argyle. Argyle currently sat at 9/1 to get promotion to League 1. Fairly reasonable odds I think, with no real major changes to the squad I think these odds are fair. Blackburn leading the way, along with Wigan, Bradford, Scunthorpe, Doncaster, Portsmouth and just outsiders Oxford. If I was to back three teams from League 1 to gain promotion it would be Bradford, Wigan and Blackburn. This years play-off finalists Bradford will be looking to capitalist on not getting over the hurdle against eventual play off winners Millwall this season. As for the outsiders, with Bristol Rovers only at 5/1 they might be worth a punt after a reasonable finish in 10th last season. Same goes for Oxford Utd at 4/1 closely followed by MK Dons, Charlton, Fleetwood, Southend, Rochdale and Peterborough all who are at 5/1 and 6/1. 

 

With pre-season around the corner, there are a lot of teams already doing the business transfer wise to enhance their chances of a good campaign. Argyle themselves have already made one signing in the form of former Hereford, Rotherham and recently Motherwell winger Lionel Ainsworth. A shrewd signing by Derek Adams, the player opting to sign a contract with Plymouth over a new contract with the SPL club. Having seen Lionel play his trade at other clubs, I can only base my opinion on him via YouTube, looks a very pacy player with good ball control with the ability to take on players with skill and speed. End product is lacking but Derek has been able to transform players since being down in Devon, with the likes of Wylde, Carey and Jervis to name a few, all have succeeded in the color of Green and White. I honestly believe in Adams to bring in some quality players to this club and turn this team, again, into another promotion winning side.

 

Keeping the back bone of this side is important going into the new season, I know DA will not settle with a relegation dog fight. Having watched League 1 over the last couple of seasons, I believe there is no real big difference between both L1 and L2. I’m positive that the likes of Portsmouth, Argyle and Doncaster who are new in the league can ruffle a few feathers and charge for promotion once again. Other transfer rumors I have seen and heard about on social media are Forest Green Rover’s striker Christian Doidge, here’s a quick report by the Plymouth Herald about the player:

“Plymouth Argyle have not made an approach for Forest Green Rovers forward Christian Doidge. Herald Sport understands that Rovers boss Mark Cooper has denied any interest in the player from the Pilgrims amid transfer speculation linking the two parties. … Doidge scored 27 goals in 41 games.”

27 goals in 41 games is fairly impressive, but do Argyle want to sign someone who has mostly played his trade in the Conference? In previous years, Paul Sturrock had signed a few gems from the lower divisions, one example is winger Craig Noone who had a good stint at Argyle when they were back in the Championship, later playing in the Premier League with Cardiff via Brighton. A player who is also a free agent, could we tempt him down here again? With reports claiming Noone was on at least 15k a week, would Craig take a cut to play in League 1? My opinion is probably not but it would be a marquee signing if he did decide to join. A definite brilliant replacement if Graham Carey decides to move on. One hot topic at the moment is recent player, Craig Tanner. Tanner has played two season with Argyle scoring a couple of handfuls of goals in his time here, although DA has expressed in games that he doesn’t like him. Personally I think Tanner wasn’t given much time in the team, in which Argyle fans were slating him for not performing. 6 Goals last season is not bad for a player who mainly came off the bench and only had a handful of starts. I would bring him in, make him a main man again, don’t think wages will halt a move.

A lot of fans will be hoping that the first game of the new season is a good away day, personally myself I hope it is away. The game I am most looking forward to is Blackburn, Ewood Park is one ground I haven’t ticked off my list, along with Wigan and Fleetwood among the other Lancashire based clubs. Blackburn away is the game I’m hoping for first but I would not mind any away game for the first game really. Looking forward to the prospects of London games again, such as Charlton, AFC Wimbledon. Then you have teams just outside of London like Southend, Northampton, MK Dons, Oxford etc. Very forward to the away game feel again, absolutely suffering with no football on.

As for Argyle in the weeks ahead, some more signings and hopefully a peak at what the new kits will look like, I’ve heard that we’ll be changing the normal Argyle Green to a lighter lime green color, not sure what to make of it. Here’s some mock ups that I’ve seen around the internet, highlighting a few of my favorites….

kit10KIT11

kit7KIT9KIT6kit5KIT4

 

KIT1KIT2

 

KIT8.png

 

These are all mock ups, although the ones with a dotted pinstripe style are what Argyle are suggesting, and based on seeing other kits it looks to be the main design of the home shirt. I LOVE the yellow kit, beautiful. The top two are retro mock ups made by someone on Twitter, although I do admire them too I don’t think that’ll be the kits at all. Based on the hints Argyle are giving, the color of the season ticket leaflets suggest we are going lighter green, almost lime – not a fan. My personal opinion is that the kits that are three in a row will be the design, the far right dark kit is what I expect the home shirt to look like with a lime away kit in the same design. I do love the bottom three designs especially in the color of the first two from the left.

I’ll let you people decide what your favorites are, let me know what your thoughts are on them. Also let me know your thoughts on today’s blog, leave your opinions on the comments and on social media.

 

Thanks for reading and you’ll see more blogs shortly as the season gets closer.

 

Alex

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LEAGUE 1 WE’RE THERE!

 

 

LEAGUE1

Hello all! With the football season finishing in good spirits from being promoted to League 1, it’s time to start thinking about the season ahead, although pre-season being far away there is always going to be debates on players coming in and out, especially because most clubs are releasing players. I’ve got a list of players in my mind that I would have down at Argyle, like we all do, but now seeing other clubs release players, I’m pretty confident Derek Adams can bring even better quality players to this club to back a promotion campaign.

The hottest question on Argyle fan’s lips is the most obvious one.. Will star player Graham Carey stay? My opinion is that he has played his last game in an Argyle shirt (Grimsby away), a player that can register that many goals and assists in a single season in League 2 is always going to attract attention of teams higher up in the leagues. I would obviously be truly gutted if he does goes, a wonderful player, we will miss his 25 yard rockets, taking on 4 players at once, the deft touches and wonderful ability on the ball. He is the most technically gifted player that I’ve seen play in Green for sure, I just really hope he chooses the right club. I could understand him going to Scotland again, family north of the border is always a decisive choice when it comes to football. If anything, I would prefer him to play in a league that we won’t play against him in, it will come back to haunt us, we know what he can do. Would hate for him to score a goal that might decide a promotion chance, could happen, also couldn’t. Argyle fan’s are praying that he stays but we sometimes have to grit our teeth and deal with it.

Can we replace someone of Carey’s quality? Not Carey’s quality, but yes definitely someone who can replicate his form from midfield. Another question that’s a hot topic at the moment, Craig Tanner has been released from Reading due to being out of contract, would we sign him? DA clearly doesn’t think he’s his type of player, left out a lot last season but managed 6 goals in 16 which isn’t bad considering most of his goals have come off the bench and rare starts. I like him, think we should snap him up because he could probably become a main man in the team, especially if we lose Carey. Not many people will agree of course but we need to start adding players before pre season, I expect DA to add some real quality to this promotion winning side. Would love to see Matty back, of course Neil loves us so it is possible that it could happen. Someone to support Taylor or play alongside him, a scorer of 15 goals or more a season is what we need. Jervis has put in his fair share of goals over the course of the season but much prefer him out wide. Hearing rumors of former Pilgrim Gregg Wylde coming back, I would definitely have him back, someone who provides good width with good pace, especially considering he’s free I’m sure he’ll jump at the chance because he will get games consistently.

With DA’s keen eye for players, I’m positive we can make a big promotion charge again, the mentality of promotion will be drilled into players and Derek will not settle for “Surviving” in League 1. There isn’t a huge difference between L2 and L1,  let’s be honest. I think we will finish around the play off places next season, should be interesting what happens.

My next football based post will be made once things become clearer transfer wise. Enjoy the read and speak soon!

 

A

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ARTICLES OF THE NIGHT

Good evening ladies and gents, it’s been a week or so since my last post. I haven’t really had the ideas to post but no post is better and more meaningful when it comes from deep within.

As some may know, I suffer with depression in a long battle of mind numbing pain. It’s difficult to ‘get over’ because it simply doesn’t work like that. Sometimes you aren’t in control of your own thoughts, even when you’re fighting those thoughts. I wouldn’t wish depression on anyone, even enemies. I have had two spouts of depression, once when I was a young kidda and the current times. The only advice I can give is to continue doing things you enjoy. For me it’s music, it’s an extremely big passion of mine and I will give anything a listen if it has a good beat, not all into mainstream stuff. A band I recently found on Youtube by the name of Cigarettes After Sex, wonderfully named, has given me many eargasms over the past two weeks. I love finding music that no one would normally see pop up on the internet, you have to search deep to find music like this. I’m glad I found it because not only is the music great but the lyrics are deep and meaningful. Another band I like and found on Youtube is Oh Hiroshima, another fantastic rock band from Sweden, give them both a listen. Music changes my mood swings so easily, although I’ll listen to certain music in certain moods.

CIGS

Music is a real life changer for me, I know I can go to it if I need cheering up or just generally get into a good mood. I love music for that. When depression hits me hard, the first thing I do is listen to music, and have a few cigarettes in the process (Bloody horrible habit at that). I need to start appreciating life more, and focus on it, not letting it get to me. Although in the past I’ve been around bad and negative people that haven’t helped my recovery, I hold high regards for people that have stuck with me, or just put up with me – I know I’m a pain! I respect people for what they do for me, whether it’s a chat, a drink or cooked dinner for me. Never let those people out of your life. Anyway, enjoy reading my drivel and keep an eye out for the next post.

 

A

 

 

 

 

 

 

PROMOTED TO LEAGUE 1!

Yes, you’ve read it.

Plymouth Argyle, that team that plays in Green and White have finally made it out of League 2 and into League 1. After years of hurt, something has finally come of good and it felt bloody lovely. Tears of happiness and cries of relief among all Argyle fans across the globe, but what a way to do it.. 6-1! In all fairness it could have been more than that, poor old Newport County. It has been a roller coaster of a season, but the boys finally got over the line this time and went out in style with some superb passing and wonderfully taken goals. The pre-match atmosphere was very lively from as early as midday in the city of Plymouth, we all knew today we’d go up. Only needing a point from relegation fighting Newport County, who came into the game on good form themselves. They weren’t here to just make up the numbers, they kept Argyle from scoring until late first half when Argyle broke the deadlock thanks to Matty Kennedy, soon followed by Jake Jervis for 2-0 after catching onto a poor pass which he took around and dispatched into the net to send the stadium wild. Argyle made it 3-0 in the 52′ minute with a lovely curled finished into the near post from no other than star man Graham Carey, really taking a foot hold in the game at this point but no no, there was more to come as Argyle made it 4-0 as Ryan Taylor back heeled into the net, a really classy finish. Matty Kennedy had left Newport’s defenders trailing throughout the game and he made it 5-0 with another great finish coming off the left hand side facing barn park end, his second of the game. Jake Jervis also helped himself to a 2nd with a great strike on his left foot, nothing the Newport keeper could do. Newport did score eventually after knocking on the door a couple of times during the match, albeit a goal that wouldn’t change the game.

Argyle had warned fans not to go onto the pitch at any point pre-match and during, but was that going to stop the fans who have suffered through years of hurt, administration, relegation’s? Not a chance. The whole stadium packed onto the field when the referee blew for full time, confirming Argyle’s promotion to League 1. What a feeling it was as well, running onto the pitch to let all the emotions out, celebrating with the players and other fans, singing songs and celebrating the fact that this lovely football team had finally got out of League 2. This club has achieved something brilliant under Derek Adams and the support from the board to go out and get the players DA wants, it hasn’t been easy but there is some real depth in the squad and a lot of talent.

PAFC

Portsmouth were also promoted to League 1 today after winning at Notts County, great to see both Plymouth and Pompey higher up the division where they belong. Two massive fan bases finally had something to shout about when the final whistles blew. The games with Pompey have always been entertaining and I’m glad we’ll be playing them again. So all three automatic places have been confirmed with Doncaster currently leading the pack but after losing to Blackpool today, the title isn’t completely theirs yet. All that matters is that we’re all going up!

Although the season still has some games to go yet, it should be very interesting to see who makes it up via the play-offs. There will be some fantastic away games for Argyle fans to go to next season, very looking forward to it. In other news Brighton & Hove Albion were also promoted, congratulations to them in their promotion to the Premier League. I’ll never forget what they did for us when we were in financial trouble, just as much as we helped them when they needed it. I’ll very much be looking out for their results next season! As for Argyle, we still need to see off the rest of the games we have remaining. I am off to Colchester on Saturday, the atmosphere after sealing promotion back to League 1 will be insane and it’ll be very interesting to see what happens in terms of the League 2 title. I’ll be reporting back once the play off teams have been confirmed, who Argyle will and could play next season.

It has been a wonderful day for South Coast football, one to remember.

Until then, take care.