Hello humans. It’s been a pretty bad week for me personally, and it’s not even the end of the week yet. It’s almost been a year since I left the UK for the wonderful country of Germany, time has gone pretty fast, an adventure I need again. Life tends to throw hurdles at you quite a lot, you learn to jump over them but when stressed, the motivation to keep jumping sometimes gets too much for me. Over the course of the last 5 years I’ve had to deal with a lot, and I always dread what will come next, unfortunately it is my life and as much as you don’t like it, it’s part of being an adult – you have to deal with it.
What is deserving of a break? I guess we all think different when it comes to deserving something. Based on my last 5 years I don’t deserve anything, but what I could do with is a little break from life. I’m no longer happy and it’s eating my insides, I don’t know where I stand with family, friends and other things. It’s all a bit of an emotional roller-coaster at the moment and it’s getting to the point where I feel a break would be well needed, some time to think. We all look to improve on our life aspects, our personal aspects, at most I try to do that. Things need to change and they need to change quick, I know I’m the only person that can do that, to change my own life I need to implement change myself. I’m quite appreciative of what I have, and sometimes very glad that I made the right decision in life, albeit some bad decisions as well.
I put my self down a lot, possibly when I shouldn’t. I try not to get myself down because of one certain event or person, I fight through it and move on. I’m pretty much a closed book as far as things go and I like it that way, I don’t like opening up too much. Admittedly I do bottle things up and never release any anger or sadness, but as fellow mental health sufferers, it’s not always easy to speak to someone. Unfortunately I lack the motivation to open up to someone because I don’t want to annoy them, or annoy them more, people have their own problems to deal with. I am disliked by people, who isn’t? I have made wrong decisions, like many others and I fully understand where people are coming from. I haven’t seen many people recently, I can’t remember when I last saw my family. I do feel I have let myself go, physically and mentally, and I feel that I don’t want to disappoint anyone with how I’ve changed. Granted I let my self slip away and I can only blame myself, partially. I don’t mean to disappoint people, sometimes it’s just natural though.
Where do I want to go with my adventure? Who knows. I’d like to go back to Germany, possibly some new cities to visit such as Dresden, Leipzig, Munich, Duisburg, Dortmund. Just a few of the many places I want to visit, but my heart has always been with Germany, regardless of political state. I don’t mind sitting on a coach for hours on end, it’s fun, and cheap. Plus you get to meet funny individuals, a lot of memories to be had. The motivation to do it is pretty easy as far as I’m concerned, but I feel I could get too comfortable like I did last time. I planned to stay 3 or 4 nights in Germany last time, ended up being 8 days. I do like the feeling of being lost in a place I don’t know much about it, it’s all part of the fun. I still managed to get around and back home fairly easily, but I still get the holiday blues when arriving back into the UK – who has it’s own problems currently, politically speaking.
When I get round to making a plan, I’m sure you’ll know about it but I can’t say how long I’ll be. I do need to get away for a while, just to feel a bit lost and different. Anyway, enjoy reading 700 odd words of me rambling on. Hope you’re all good!